Is Romance a Euphamism for Lust or is it good old Courtship?

Helen Fisher the Biological Anthropologist

Her PDF “Defining the Brain System of Lust, Romantic Attraction and Attachment [jump to link here]

A good read “Separating Lust and Love” [jump to link]

Here is a title in the Metro: 

TOWIE’s Gemma Collins hoping for holiday romance in I’m A Celebrity 2014 jungle

Newly single Gemma Collins admits she is using the I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! jungle to escape from her troubles at home after she was allegedly beaten up by her boyfriend.
The TOWIE star, who landed in Australia last night, says she is hoping for a ‘holiday romance’ in the Outback after her weekend split from ex-convict boyfriend Alexander Moss.

Here is How Stuff Works

Types/Stages of Love: Lust and Attraction

There are three distinct types or stages of “love”:

  1. Lust, or erotic passion
  2. Attraction, or romantic passion
  3. Attachment, or commitment

When all three of these happen with the same person, you have a very strong bond. Sometimes, however, the one we lust after isn’t the one we’re actually in love with.

LustWhen we’re teenagers, just after puberty, estrogen and testosterone become active in our bodies for the first time and create the desire to experience “love.” These desires, a.k.a. lust, play a big role both during puberty and throughout our lives. According to an article by Lisa Diamond, entitled “Love and Sexual Desire” (Current Directions in Psychological Science, vol 13 no. 3), lust and romantic love are two different things caused by different underlying substrates. Lust evolved for the purpose of sexual mating, while romantic love evolved because of the need for infant/child bonding. So even though we often experience lust for our romantic partner, sometimes we don’t — and that’s okay. Or, maybe we do, but we also lust after someone else. According to Dr. Diamond, that’s normal.

Sexologist John Money draws the line between love and lust in this way: “Love exists above the belt, lust below. Love is lyrical. Lust is lewd.”

Pheromones, looks and our own learned predispositions for what we look for in a mate play an important role in whom we lust after, as well. Without lust, we might never find that special someone. But, while lust keeps us “looking around,” it is our desire for romance that leads us to attraction.

AttractionWhile the initial feelings may (or may not) come from lust, what happens next — if the relationship is to progress — is attraction. When attraction, or romantic passion, comes into play, we often lose our ability to think rationally — at least when it comes to the object of our attraction. The old saying “love is blind” is really accurate in this stage. We are often oblivious to any flaws our partner might have. We idealize them and can’t get them off our minds. This overwhelming preoccupation and drive is part of our biology. We’ll go deeper into the chemicals involved in attraction in The Chemistry of Love.

In this stage, couples spend many hours getting to know each other. If this attraction remains strong and is felt by both of them, then they usually enter the third stage: attachment.

http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/30254 The Romance of Lust

Islamic art in India this day 17th June 1631

ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY – On 17th June, 1631, Mumtaz Mahal died during childbirth. Her husband, Mughal emperor Shah Jahan I, spent the next 17 years building her mausoleum – the Taj Mahal. Mumtaz Mahal was the second and favourite wife of Shah Jahan, with whom she had a deep and loving marriage. During her lifetime, poets would extol her beauty, grace and compassion. She was Shah Jahan’s trusted companion, travelling with him all over the Mughal Empire. Leading court historians went to great lengths to document the intimate and erotic relationship the couple enjoyed. In their nineteen years of marriage, they had fourteen children together, seven of whom died at a young age. Historical chronicles report that Shah Jahan was inconsolable in the immediate aftermath of Mumtaz’s death. He went into secluded mourning for a year, and when he appeared again, his hair had turned white and his face worn. Mumtaz was temporarily buried in a walled pleasure garden known as Zainabad on the Tapti River, before being moved into the Taj Mahal. The white marble mausoleum is widely recognized as “the jewel of Muslim art in India and one of the universally admired masterpieces of the world’s heritage”

Original Source [Ancient Origins]
Taj Mahal

#FreeThe4 He Ain’t Heavy – Hollies lyrics + tab+ guitar tutorial

He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother

The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows when
But I’m strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother

So on we go
His welfare is of my concern
No burden is he to bear
We’ll get there
For I know
He would not encumber me
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother

If I’m laden at all
I’m laden with sadness
That everyone’s heart
Isn’t filled with the gladness
Of love for one another

It’s a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we’re on the way to there
Why not share
And the load
Doesn’t weigh me down at all
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother

He’s my brother
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother…

Thank You AZLyrics

Guitar Tab

 "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother"
                     (Bobby Scott - Bobby Russell)

Intro:

	(harmonica w/piano and bass)

	G       D/F#     C/E     D7sus4 [N.C.]
	/ / / /  / / / /  / / / /  /

Verse 1:

	             G   D/F#              C/E         Am7
	The road is long      with many a winding turn
	      D   D#dim  Em          F               Am7  Am7/D D7
	That leads us to who knows where, who knows where
	          G    D/F#                   Em   Eb
	But I'm strong      strong enough to carry him
	G                Am7 D7sus4          G
	  He ain't heavy            he's my brother

	[1:  Am7 D7sus4]
	       (So on...)

	[2:  Am7 G7/B ; to bridge]

	[3: to harmonica solo]

Verse 2:

	So on we go  his welfare is of my concern
	No burden is he to bear, we'll get there
	For I know he would not encumber me
	He ain't heavy, he's my brother

Bridge:

	        C       D7/C
	If I'm laden at all
	     C         D7/C
	I'm laden with sadness
	      Bm         Dm
	that everyone's heart
	      Cmaj7  B7           Em G7/D
	Isn't filled    with the gladness
	    C   /B A7          Am7     D7 [N.C.]
	Of love       for one another

Verse 3:

	It's a long, long road  from which there is no return
	While we're on the way to there, why not share
	         G   Bm  /F# /D   /F#  /D  Em     Eb
	And the load     Doesn't weigh me down at all
	He ain't heavy, he's my brother

[harmonica solo over first two lines of verse]

Coda:

	 G              D/F#  Em  D7sus4
	He's my brother
	           G   D/F#       Cmaj7/E   D
	He ain't heavy      he's my brother
	           G   D/F#       Cmaj7/E   D
	He ain't heavy      he's my brother [fade]

 

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What if love was just genetic glue for coupledom?

Wrote the above as a comment to LOVE; A Mystery Finally Solved [read it] 

by theeclecticsource

Btw Ecclectic I did enjoy your post.  Thank you. The last line is lovely “Love is a knowing”

I should also Thank Ecclectic ever so much, for lancing this gargantuan burden that’s been growing on me.  To put into words the thoughts brought on after too many Tequilas and eating cheese late at night.  And for making me put pen to paper, metaphorically speaking of course, and revive my blog abandoned many seasons ago.

img courtesy


That thought begins with; What if….

Let’s take this slowly.  I’m not saying I don’t believe in Love.  Perhaps a love agnostic!

Let’s turn this Rubik’s cube of love upside down and puzzle over it.

Like if you were walking, stop right there and without moving your shoulders take a look at your bum.  Because we take it so much for granted, love that is, and the bum as well!

We could start by saying; Love does not exist and try to prove it that way. But that would be a bit like driving backwards from the conclusion.

In the beginning man meets woman in the nude.  Of course, saves time I suppose! Seriously.

Shamelessly copied here from Cosmos magazine to reinforce my drifting “what if…”

Boy meets girl and the chemistry is explosive. Their eyes lock, their heartbeats race, everyone else in the room just melts away. But far from being some weird, mystical force, sexual attraction is actually quite prosaic.

It’s the product of millions of years of evolution all focussed on one idea: successfully passing your genes on to the next generation. And the whole dating scene is really just people assessing the reproductive potential of prospective mates.

Humans have evolved a plethora of ways to advertise their reproductive value – from chiselled jaws and permanently enlarged mammary glands to complex odours and a raucous sense of humour. The right combination of these features in the right person add together to give you that funny feeling in your stomach we hear so much about.

Good article as articles go!

What if it was just genetics at work?

The glue that bonds the couple and we conveniently give a title: LOVE

How can anyone fall out of love? But we do

Radical Xtianity

sees all other religions as false and worshiping the Devil, Satan, Shaitan, Beelzebub, Lord of the flies etc, etc.
© of Winslie Gomez
Would you believe it! Fundamentalist US Christians are funding, for our UK Gov’t to be lo be lobbied by deeply committed Christians who are no different from Enoch Powell.

Islam and the babies they produce is the the enemy!

In this instance it’s the embryo bill

Didn’t Herod try that trick of killing all the babies, yet, it didn’t work so why won’t we learn.

Mohamed Al Fayed, Owner of Harrods in London

Is either completely bonkers or very astute.

al-fayed.jpg

Fayed seeks judicial review in Diana inquest.

Mohamed Al Fayed will today seek permission for a judicial review to force Prince Philip to give evidence into the deaths of his son, Dodi, and of Diana, Princess of Wales.

He also wants the Queen to be asked questions arising from the evidence, although he does not want her to appear in person.

Fayed has accused Philip of being “a Nazi”. He has alleged that Dodi and Diana were murdered in a conspiracy initiated by the royal family, authorised by Tony Blair and executed by the security services and photographers. As reported in the Guardian

Img credit to Shaun Peter Curry

Attraction: Pure Chemistry or Purely Physical.

attraction260208.jpg


I could be rushing around a busy shopping centre (mall) minding my own business and I catch a glimpse of one of those people from a cult or the portly female with a beaming smile, trying to flog a home shopping catalogue.

So, why oh why! do they make a beeline for me. I have done my best to avoid eye-contact, I keep my eyes fixed to some far away asteroid, walked as far away as possible to the furthest available, opposite side.  Even try to blend in with the slowly gliding Goths. All to no avail!

Do I have some kind of beacon on my head with flashing invisible neon sign that blinks “Get this mug?”

My friend was telling me that this was a reality in the on-line marketing world where if you purchase or sign-up for a newsletter, your details are passed around to other firms that bombard you with junk emails.  He reckons that thousands of names of such “mugs” are traded as a commodity.  I have no idea if this is true but can accept the possibility.

Attraction, chemistry, call it what you may, is a subject that haunts me:

a) I’m rubbish at it.

b) I seem to attract all the wrong types of people.
I also recall reading an article that claimed people pick dogs that resemble themselves so was astounded to read this theory of CONVERGENCE

Psychological Science says

On People and their dogs

There are two basic mechanisms that could create an actual similarity between people and their dogs. People might select dogs that are like them, or the features of people and their dogs might converge over time.

There is some evidence that the facial appearance of married couples converges over time (Zajonc, Adelmann, Murphy, & Niedenthal, 1987); judges have rated couples physically more similar after 25 years of marriage than as newlyweds. If a similar process were to occur with people and their pets, then one might find that the ability to match them grows with the length of ownership. In contrast, if owners resemble their dogs because of selection rather than convergence, then there should be no correlation between the degree of resemblance and the time spent together.

The conclusion of the study was;

We also cannot know from these data if people can tell whether a particular person is an owner of a dog, as opposed to, say, a weasel. However, it does appear that, as in the case of selecting a spouse (Berscheid & Reis, 1998), people want a creature like themselves.

Perfectly understandable! So I put it to the test and was surprised to find that couples young and old do have similar features.

There are many theories that explain interpersonal attraction:

the proximity effect (Berscheid & Reis, 1998, Byrne 1997),

the similarity theory (Klohnen & Luo, 2003, Berscheid, 1985),

the reciprocal linking (Kenny, 1994, Murray & col., 1998),

the physical attraction (Berscheid & Reis, 1998).

the social exchange theory (Rusbult, Martz & Agnew, 1998),

the equality theory (Clark, 1984),

the evolutionist theory (Buss, 1996) and

the socio-cultural perspective of couple’s relationship (Archer, 1996).

The Chemistry of attraction is not purely on a physical level. Humans communicate in other subliminal ways.

Ask yourself, if you are looking for someone who looks like you?

Maybe you didn’t even consider it.  Any thoughts?

WTL Photos

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